Bert Goes Berzerk

Osama introduces new recruit.

Greetings to all. I have just returned to my blog after a long absence. I will be posting on a monthly basis starting in August. I look forward to writing a few new entries for your amusement and approval.

See you soon.

UNCLE LUDWIG

HOLA AMIGOS

OK, SO IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN ANYTHING, LIFE HAS A WAY OF TAKING UP YOUR TIME AND AT THIS POINT I AM DEALING WITH THE IMMINENT DEATH OF MY FATHER.

I WILL COME BACK AND DEVOTE MORE TIME TO THIS BLOG IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

OK, I CONFESS

CES'T MOI, SOY YO, IT'S ME!!

I AM THE FATHER OF ANNA NICOLE'S BABY.

It's like this, hmmm, lets see, well it was last January, I was in a bar in the Bahamas, I gotta admit I was sauced out of my noggin' on margaritas but not too drunk to "tango" if you know what I mean, all of a sudden this busty blonde sits next to me and starts to tell me all about her problems, one thing led to another and BINGO! I scored. Right before she split I asked her what her name was, she said "my name is Anna"...so you see, I AM the father, I have no doubts about this...I am calling my lawyer tomorrow.

Greetings

I am here. I have not died. I will be posting soon.

SEXIEST WOMAN EVER?

Do you think Bettie Page was the Sexiest woman of the 20th Century?

Cast your vote at: cnouel@sbcglobal.net

REPUBLICANS GET STOMPED LIKE OLD SOUR GRAPES

REPUBLICANS GET STOMPED LIKE OLD SOUR GRAPES

Well, as I predicted last week, the LOSERS lost and the winners will probably end up acting like a bunch of LOSERS in a couple of years.

The best thing about the election results is that we finally sent Rummie packing. I hear he took the news of his "firing" quite well, apparently he gets a retirement package worth a few million bucks plus the ability to become a high paid lobbyist for the Armored Vest Manufacturers Association of America.

President Bush reportedly has tattooed the words "I Love Nancy" on his ass, his left butt cheek to be exact.

Twas The Night Before The Election

Greetings Nephews and Nieces. Well tomorrow is the big day, election day. Now how many of you are going to go vote? How many of you are going to go home after work and sit your fat butts in front of the "Tube" and waste another perfectly good evening watching that crap that passes for quality entertainment.

I encourage all of you to go fulfill your duty and exercise your right to vote, God knows many have died to preserve your freedom to do so, your failure to vote may condemn others to go have their young lives taken in that Quagmire we know as IRAQ.

UNCLE LUDWIG

SADDAM TO BE HANGED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

JUSTICE AT HAND

Loudly proclaiming "Allah is great" Saddam Hussein stood in court today and learned of his fate. Three years after being deposed the former dictator, looking and sounding disdainful, listened to the chief Judge in a Baghdad court room as a sentence of "death by hanging" was read to a packed court room. If anyone expected Saddam to be contrite or to express any remorse for his criminal deeds, they were in for a big let down, Saddam, now an old and powerless man, resorted the old ploy of proclaiming a new found faith in God and expressing a total lack of respect for the judicial proceedings that held him responsible for the death of his fellow Iraqis.

In developments that do not forebode well for the future of Iraq, Shia neighborhoods saw people dancing in the streets in celebration, however in Sunni areas his supporters threatened revenge and blamed the death verdict on America.

An automatic appeal and review will most likely delay Sadam's execution until sometime in the spring of 2007.

As reported from our Bagdad bureau by Wally Cleaver, Dagwood Bumstead and C.C. Nouel