SEXIEST WOMAN EVER?

Do you think Bettie Page was the Sexiest woman of the 20th Century?

Cast your vote at: cnouel@sbcglobal.net

REPUBLICANS GET STOMPED LIKE OLD SOUR GRAPES

REPUBLICANS GET STOMPED LIKE OLD SOUR GRAPES

Well, as I predicted last week, the LOSERS lost and the winners will probably end up acting like a bunch of LOSERS in a couple of years.

The best thing about the election results is that we finally sent Rummie packing. I hear he took the news of his "firing" quite well, apparently he gets a retirement package worth a few million bucks plus the ability to become a high paid lobbyist for the Armored Vest Manufacturers Association of America.

President Bush reportedly has tattooed the words "I Love Nancy" on his ass, his left butt cheek to be exact.

Twas The Night Before The Election

Greetings Nephews and Nieces. Well tomorrow is the big day, election day. Now how many of you are going to go vote? How many of you are going to go home after work and sit your fat butts in front of the "Tube" and waste another perfectly good evening watching that crap that passes for quality entertainment.

I encourage all of you to go fulfill your duty and exercise your right to vote, God knows many have died to preserve your freedom to do so, your failure to vote may condemn others to go have their young lives taken in that Quagmire we know as IRAQ.

UNCLE LUDWIG

SADDAM TO BE HANGED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

JUSTICE AT HAND

Loudly proclaiming "Allah is great" Saddam Hussein stood in court today and learned of his fate. Three years after being deposed the former dictator, looking and sounding disdainful, listened to the chief Judge in a Baghdad court room as a sentence of "death by hanging" was read to a packed court room. If anyone expected Saddam to be contrite or to express any remorse for his criminal deeds, they were in for a big let down, Saddam, now an old and powerless man, resorted the old ploy of proclaiming a new found faith in God and expressing a total lack of respect for the judicial proceedings that held him responsible for the death of his fellow Iraqis.

In developments that do not forebode well for the future of Iraq, Shia neighborhoods saw people dancing in the streets in celebration, however in Sunni areas his supporters threatened revenge and blamed the death verdict on America.

An automatic appeal and review will most likely delay Sadam's execution until sometime in the spring of 2007.

As reported from our Bagdad bureau by Wally Cleaver, Dagwood Bumstead and C.C. Nouel

A Haggard Haggart Soon To Be As Good As New

NEWS FLASH !

The Rev.(really)The Rev. Ted Haggart admitted to a back rub and buying amphetamines from male prostitute. "I had a sore back and needed additional energy for a sermonthalon I was going to participate in" stated a haggard looking Haggart. Haggart faced a shocked flock in his Colorado Springs Mega-Church Friday night and admitted to a slight indiscretion, he also stated that he saw Elvis at the local mall the night before.

Haggart has been put on leave (with pay of course) from his job as President of the largest evangelical group in the USA. He will be entering a rehab center in California and hopes that with therapy he can be"as good as new" in thirty days or less"

Reported by Lalo LaLoon, Fernando "el chorreado" Martinez and C.C. Nouel.

I AM BACK FROM A LONG SLEEP

Hello Nephews and nieces, well I am back after a long and well deserved nap, okay so my nap lasted almost nine months, so call me sleeping beauty then! But at least I am back in time for the elections. My prediction? 1) There will be winners. 2) There will be losers. The losers will be the losers that have screwed us all up the last 12 years and you know who they are. The winners then will act like losers and then the losers will become winners in about 12 years. Ah, the wonderful world of politics.

HEAD LINES FROM LATIN AMERICA

HUGO CHAVEZ GETS A VASECTOMY.

At least now Venezuela won't worry about spawning a Hugo jr. from the major screwing it's getting from "El Comandante"

EVO MORALES ADMITS TO HAVING SOME SPANISH BLOOD.

President Morales will enter psychological rehab facility in Havana in order to deal with the awful truth of his ancestry.

LULA OF BRAZIL HAS A LULU OF A VICTORY PARTY, CELEBRATION'S THEME: A HAWAIAN LUAU, THUS: LULA'S LULU LUAU.

The Brazilian President nearly chokes on Poi, quick action by the a Brazilian Carnival queen saves his life, or at least that is the story we were told when a photo of Lula and and unknown woman in a "lip lock" was released to the press by opposition party member Joao Gilberto Y Barbo.

HAITI TO SEND MAJOR MONETARY ASSISTANCE TO SIERRA LEONE.

A check for $ 250.00 given to ambassador Ukulele by Haitian Foreing Ministry representative Jean Luc Picard.

COMING SOON:FAVORITE CHILI RECIPES FROM DONALD RUMSFELD, WHO IS EXPECTED TO RETIRE VERY SOON. PLUS BARBRA STREISAND'S BOOK OF CONSERVATIVE WISDOM AND HOLIDAY GIFT SUGGESTIONS FROM FORMER CONGRESSMAN MARK FOLEY; "WHAT TO GET THE YOUNG MAN IN YOUR LIFE"